Everyone’s talking about it these days. The conversation is loud, especially this past week—private this, exclusive that. Of course, everyone wants to feel special, like a VIP with first-look, private, exclusive access. It makes some of us feel taken care of, seen, and heard. It makes others feel powerful. Even if we believe in equal access, we still feel a sense of gratitude when the velvet rope is drawn back, allowing us entry.
But what if the real magic isn’t in the exclusivity? What if it isn’t about access—it’s about attention?
The act of being truly present, of making someone feel like they are the only one in the room, can be even more powerful than offering them something “exclusive.”
The Power of Listening and Being Present
We often think that offering something exclusive—whether it’s a private showing, a secret list, or an invitation-only event—is the ultimate way to make people feel special. But the real exclusivity isn’t about what you offer, it’s about how you show up. When you’re fully present with someone, when you’re listening to understand rather than respond, you create an experience that feels like an inside look, a personal connection.
Research from Harvard University suggests that when we give someone our full attention, it actually activates the same pleasure centers in the brain as receiving a tangible reward. The act of truly listening—without distraction—makes the other person feel valued, almost as if they’ve received a gift. It’s a form of emotional validation that we rarely stop to consider.
A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that when people feel “seen” or “heard,” their emotional engagement increases significantly. In business, this doesn’t just translate into better relationships—it translates into trust, loyalty, and connection. It builds a rapport that no email campaign, no product offering, no exclusive event could replicate. You can offer your clients all the private listings in the world, but if they don’t feel heard by you, that exclusivity doesn’t carry weight.
Why Exclusivity Without Attention Is a Missed Opportunity
The allure of exclusivity is real. People want what they can’t easily have. But when exclusivity is rooted in a lack of transparency or engagement, it can create mistrust or frustration. Think about it: how often have you been to an event where the VIPs are given “special treatment,” but the people in the general audience feel left out or underappreciated? It creates an invisible wall that no amount of exclusive perks can repair.
This is where attention becomes the true currency. When you make someone feel truly listened to, they feel valued. They feel exclusive. But the key is that they feel exclusive because of you—your full attention—not because of access to a private listing or a hidden deal.
What to Try:
Next time you meet with a client or prospect, practice offering them your undivided attention—and notice how it shifts the conversation.
- Start with intention: Before any meeting, take a deep breath and center yourself. Set the intention to listen—not to respond, but to understand.
- Active listening: Let your client speak without interrupting, and then reflect back what you’ve heard. “So, what I’m hearing is…” This creates a sense of connection and shows that you are absorbing more than just the words.
- Body language: Open your posture, lean in slightly, and make eye contact. It shows that you’re engaged and present.
- The power of silence: After your client speaks, don’t rush to fill the silence. Allow space for them to think, to expand, or to clarify. This gives them time to feel fully heard.
End with acknowledgment: Before wrapping up, reflect on the conversation as a whole. Acknowledge their
The Results: Connection Over Transaction
When you give your clients your full attention, they feel like VIPs—not because of what you offer, but because of who you are in the moment. This kind of presence builds trust and long-term loyalty.
It’s not about the exclusive listings or private deals—it’s about the exclusive experience you create by making them feel heard, valued, and understood.
As Maya Angelou famously said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
That’s the real essence of exclusivity.
With presence and purpose,
– Molly B.
Founder & CEO, Molly B. Townsend Coaching & Consulting
[email protected]
