Every agent has felt it. The deal that unraveled at the last minute. The client who swore they were ready and then disappeared. The showing that seemed perfect until it wasn’t. And afterward, your brain loops the reel. What if I had said this? What if I had done that? We all know the feeling. And we all know the loud ruminator in the office, the one who wants you to feel all of their pain as they relive their most dramatic upsets in full surround sound. Alright already!

That loop has a name: rumination. Psychologists call it a maladaptive coping mechanism. It masquerades as problem-solving, but it’s really just your mind picking at the same wound. Research on cognitive traps shows that rumination is linked to heightened anxiety and lower performance because the brain is expending energy on what can’t be changed rather than on what can be created.

Here’s what top agents are doing right now:

• Replaying negotiations that didn’t land.
• Obsessing over the buyer who loved it, said it was “the one,” then ghosted.
• Rehashing the tiny detail, a chandelier, a board package, a missed call, that became the sticking point.

The danger is not the memory itself. It’s that rumination keeps you stuck in yesterday when the work of your career depends on today. Presence is what gets the next deal written. Presence is what makes your client feel safe. Presence is where your edge actually lives.

Daniel Kahneman’s research on attention reminds us that the brain performs best when focus is contained in the present. Reflection builds wisdom, but rumination steals momentum. The agents I coach who thrive are not the ones who avoid loss. They are the ones who release it quickly and return their attention to the next conversation, the next showing, the next opportunity.

So here’s the practice:

● Notice when your thoughts are circling, not moving.

● Interrupt the loop with one intentional action: a call, a walk, even a deep breath.

● Ask: What’s the one thing I can do right now that actually moves my business forward?

Coaching Corner: 

 The opposite of rumination isn’t ignoring the past. It’s staying present long enough to build the future.

Before you spiral on what fell apart, look at the person across from you, the opportunity right in your inbox, the call you could make in the next 60 seconds. That’s where your business lives.

Stay here. Not back there.