A client of mine this week went down an all too familiar rabbit hole. He had texted an important referral partner to follow up on a warm lead. An hour went by. Then three. Then a day. Nothing. The next morning, he opened Instagram and saw that this same referral partner was in New York from Florida, posting about dinners and meetings with mutual friends. By the time we spoke, he not only had convinced himself he had been ghosted, but he had decided that the referral partner was going to give all of their future business to a competitor of his. “And I know exactly who it is,” he added.
We have all been there. The silence after a promising conversation. The follow-up that goes unanswered. The longer it sits, the louder the story gets and the more specific.
I decided to play the “Isn’t it just as likely” game with him.
Isn’t it just as likely that this person got busy?
Isn’t it just as likely that your message got buried, that you are still on their short list, that the delay has nothing to do with you at all?
It is a simple exercise, but a powerful one. It interrupts the spiral and creates space for reality to re-enter. It reminds us that there is almost always more to the story than the version our fear writes first.
The Age of Ghosting
Before texting, people did not ghost. They simply faded. Calls went unanswered. Letters stopped arriving. There was space and time built into communication that softened the silence.
Now, we are always reachable, which means we are also always accountable. When someone goes quiet, it feels personal because the technology makes it immediate.
Psychologists call it social prediction error. Our brains are wired to expect quick feedback, and when it does not come, we experience it as social pain. That pain triggers stories. Maybe they do not like me. Maybe I lost the deal. Maybe I failed.
But often, silence is not rejection. It is just noise, distraction, or overwhelm.
My “Isn’t It Just as Likely” game did not stop my client’s spiral entirely. But it did make him pause, which disrupted the loop. And don’t you know it, in the end, it turned out he had not been ghosted at all. The referral partner had texted him from the plane, and the message never went through.
The Fear Behind the Story
Our minds would rather invent rejection than tolerate uncertainty. We tell ourselves painful stories because they give us closure, even if those stories are not true.
In real estate, this happens every day. A buyer stops responding after a showing. A seller hesitates to sign. A colleague misses a reply. Instead of leaving space, we assign meaning.
Here is the reframe.
When your mind starts to spin, pause and ask,
“What else could be true?”
Maybe your buyer is traveling. Maybe your seller is processing. Maybe your referral partner is in back-to-back meetings.
The goal is not to pretend everything is fine. It is to practice emotional discipline. You are protecting your focus, your confidence, and your peace of mind from imagined rejection.
Coaching Corner: Pause the Story.
The next time you feel that familiar drop in your stomach, try this:
- Name the story your mind is telling you.
- Ask, “Isn’t it just as likely that something else is true?”
- Choose curiosity over conclusion.
That small shift is power. It keeps you grounded in possibility instead of fear.
The story may be unfinished, but you do not have to fill in the blanks.
Keep your mind clear and your heart steady. The truth has a way of catching up.
